2011 Reflections

So the majority of people in the United States are familiar with the tradition of making a New Year's Resolution, usually something like losing weight, staying more organized, getting a better job, going to a good college, or quitting a bad habit. Most people make one resolution, and very few of them actually maintain or achieve their resolutions. Until last year, I was the same way. By February 1st, I had forgotten what I'd promised myself I would do. BUT NOT ANYMORE!

Last New Year's Eve, exactly a year ago today,I was feeling particularly motivated and I made an entire list of resolutions. Since I'm currently bored out of my mind and I need to think of a new list for 2012, I figured I'd share my resolutions with you :)

School-Related Things:

1. Get straight A's for sophomore year

Yes, I did get straight A's, thank you very much. Hello, number 6 in the sophomore class ranking ;)

2. Get at least one perfect SOL test.

Yes, I did. My World  History 2 SOL. I guess that's what happens when you have an awesome teacher who is in the Army.

3. Start off junior year with straight A's for the first quarter

*sigh* No. I came pretty close though! AP Physics just kinda killed me. I had a 90 Bright at the end of the quarter. So close, it killed me.

4. Miss no homework assignments

Yes, of course! Although I've had an incredible amount to do, I haven't missed a single homework assignment.

Band-Related Things:

1. Be first-chair in Wind Ensemble percussion

At the end of last year, when we had Wind Ensemble re-auditions, Yes, I was first chair.However, during chair placement this fall, my friend Caleb beat me, so I'm back to second chair again. But I kicked his butt at All-District auditions, so it's ok. We're even.

2. Make a higher chair than 7th (my chair last year) in All-District band

HELL YEAH I DID.  I kicked some serious butt and moved up to SECOND CHAIR this year. 2nd!!!! And that's not because a bunch of people graduated or anything. I mean, some did. But I jumped over a bunch of the people who were ahead of me last year. So I have actually improved alot.

3. Make a higher chair than 4th in All-County Band

OH YEAH BABY I'm first in the County W00T!

4. Learn more 4-mallet music

Yes, I played a fantastic piece called Rain Dance by Alice Gomez for a small ensembles' concert in the spring, and I learned an entirely new 4-mallet technique (I was previously playing crossgrip, now I know Stephen's as well)

Other Random Things:

1. Get better at driving (boat and car)

Despite the fact that I still don't have my Driver's License, I have improved a bit. So yes.

2. Finish Nature Wall

Ok, background story time. If you go here you will see the song from Discovery Channel about all of the awesome things about the world. I had the magnificent idea to illustrate each line and hang them in the rough shape of the world on the wall above my bed. I finished a total of 7 of the lines. In a year and a half. And they look awesome! But I'm tired of trying. So no, I did not finish the wall. But I do have a back-up plan. I received a super-awesome Periodic Table of the Elements puzzle for Christmas (thanks Grams and Grandpa!), which my boyfriend and I have already completed. The puzzle glue is drying as I type this. I plan to hang it on my wall, and surround it with the few Discovery illustrations I have. Maybe I'll even draw a few more. So I did not finish the Nature Wall, I improved it.

3. Start a Bucket List

Well.....mentally I did....ok fine. No I did not. Maybe in a blog post.....?

4. Read more Classic Books

YES INDEED! Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, every Sherlock Holmes story ever written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Robinson Crusoe.....

5. Expand music collection

Yes. And you don't want me to list all that XD Let's just say it's a ton of nerd music, Hank Green stuff, Spyro the Dragon soundtracks, and the occasional musical.

6. Attempt to participate in NaNoWriMo 2011

Ehhhhhh.......honestly....I didn't realize it was NaNoWriMo time until I was actually Thanksgiving. So no. My bad.

7. Maintain my journal

Yes, I did. I have managed to write about everything this year (I like to write things down so I can remember my life when I'm old. Y'know, like 30 XD) I didn't write as often as I wish I had, so I did a lot of massive journal entries. But Yes, I did write.

8. Keep control of fitness and health, even once gym is over

Yeah I did. Thank you, karate. BAZINGA.

9. Try to understand who I am better and what I want to do with my life

YES I DID. I have discovered officially that my passion is for math and science. I am no longer hovering between being a chemistry major and an english major/artist. And I have quit boxing myself in to just chemistry as well. I have branched out a ton. And I love it.

10. Dive into and express the things I love

Yes, I have definitely been diving into my nerd culture this year XD 

11. Clear my heart and get over my fear of love

This.......I don't remember writing this resolution. But it is oddly accurate. And yes, I did achieve it, completely on accident, since I forgot that I promised myself to do so. So yay me! <3

12. Collect more kougras *blushes*

Ok, I know. Neopets. Seriously. I did make a resolution about it. And yes I did achieve it.....9 times over XD

13. BE HAPPIER. Find what makes me happy and express it.

Well I don't know about you, blog reader, whoever you are. But I consider myself to be considerably happier than I was at any point last year. So there. Yes.

14. Really think about my friends and distance myself from the ones who aren't my true friends.

Yes, I have effectively done this. I have a good sense of who is truly there for me and who is just there because they want someone to talk to/ want me to help them with their math homework or proof read their essays.Which is fine. I don't mind helping people. That's what nerds do. It's just good that I know who I can trust.

15. Try new things.

Yes, oh my gosh. So many things. Pad Thai, new movies (Phantom of the Opera, Edward Scizzorhands, the last Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, 50 First Dates, TGI Fridays, participating in theater tech, Five Guys, Cookout Drivethru, all of the classic books I listed above, lots of fiction books, wakeboarding........I could go on for ages.

16. No more self-confidence issues.

Ok, fine. No.

17. Analyze the things I see, hear, or read. Have my own opinions and support them.

I wouldn't say I have a super-defined opinion about everything now, but I definitely know how to analyze things better now and I can support the opinions I have. So yes.

18. Set regular goals (every week or so) and at least TRY to reach them

YEAH. You should see my school agenda. It's packed with stuff. Up in the margins and everything.

19. Compose a 2010 reflection list

Haha, yes. I did that within the first week of the year. And then I put the list inside one of those sphere puzzles for safekeeping, like a time capsule, just not buried. Yup.

20. Be less stressed. Know how to say no when I already have too much to do already (aka manage time better)

Well......I'm pretty darned stressed out. But I have gotten better at managing time. So I'm going to say yes.

21. Make new memories.

So Many memories. Yes.

So that's my 2011! Not bad, 24/29. Here's to a fantastic 2012!

My Nuclear Rant

For my AP Environmental Science class, I was asked to tell whether or not I thought a new nuclear reactor should be built at the North Anna Nuclear Plant. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the topic of nuclear power, thanks to the fact that I am taking AP Physics (best class choice I ever made). Here is my rant:

Yes, I think another nuclear reactor at the North Anna nuclear plant is a great idea. Nuclear power is highly efficient, pollutes much less than coal, and is just an overall safer way to get power. Also, we are going to run out of coal in the near future (which is fine, because coal is awful for the environment anyway), and nuclear power is a smart replacement for coal.

Some people are scared of nuclear power, thanks to the Three Mile Island and Chernobyl disasters. The media focuses on the negative impacts of those catastrophes, and they don't know what they are talking about, alot of the time. Did you know that when a nuclear power plant is running at a Critical level, that means it is running EXACTLY HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO?! The news broadcasters don't. They hear the word 'critical', panic, broadcast their panic to the word, and it's a chain reaction. Also, nothing bad really happened at Three Mile Island. The public was never actually in danger. The plant simply released its trapped bubble of Xenon gas up into the atmosphere, where there is already tons of poisonous gas, floating harmlessly above us. And then everything was fine.

Chernobyl was caused because Soviet Russia cut corners, both in building the plant and in training its employees. When things inevitably started to go wrong, the untrained workers didn't know what to do, so of course things got out of hand. Then, the disaster was hidden from the world, and Russia tried some really hairbrained ways to clean up the mess (for example, they dropped liquid lead on the burning plant. The lead was then vaporized from the intense heat and shot into the atmosphere. So then, poof! Radioactive lead raining down on Europe as well). So of course Chernobyl was terrible and frightening. It’s not surprising that people are afraid to have something like that happen again. But it won’t happen as long as the proper safety precautions are taken.

Finally, some people will point fingers at the Fukushima plant in Japan, and claim that it was not built to withstand earthquakes. Well, here’s some news: it was. And it withstood a HUGE one, and a tsunami, in the same day. And there is sufficient proof that Fukushima, like Chernobyl, wasn’t completely up to date on its safety requirements either. It had been failing inspections for months, but somehow was still kept running. So once again, it’s not surprising that something went wrong when the plant was slammed with extreme natural disasters.

Nuclear power plants are built extremely safely, with tons of redundant safety precautions and backup generators for their backup generators.  They have a huge margin for error, and are built to withstand massive amounts of stress and extreme conditions. It would be a good idea to build a new reactor in North Anna, since our current reactor is a little outdated anyway. Then, we could be up to date on all the latest nuclear technology, and Virginia would be less reliant on a filthy polluting fossil fuel like coal.

Gosh I'm a nerd ^-^

Audience-Induced Dual Personality

So I've noticed, especially since I've been back at school, that I unintentionally act differently when I'm around different friends. I'm not the only one who does this, I've noticed my friends' personalities change based on who is present as well.

For example, around my best friend that I've known since first grade, I can be open and not worry about whether I'm being judged because we know everything about each other and nothing will ever break up our friendship. Around her, I'm a follower, most of the time. We do alot of relaxing and talking and making bracelets and listening to classic rock and singing in the car on the way to the mall to share a box of delicious honey chicken. We run pointless errands just for somewhere to go, go to extremes just to properly embarrass each other, and don't mind helping with the less-exciting tasks, like cleanup after a Halloween party (ohmygod I love Halloween so much I can't wait!) or organizing rooms or school shopping.

When I'm around @MegginLovett (or Twitter in general), I'm a full-fledged 24/7 slap-things-with-a-fish Harry Potter-loving musical-singing overenthusiastic and occasionally crazy Nerdfighter. When I'm with my family, I tend to be quieter, and logical, and in general just calmer and less exciting. With my karate friends, I am powerful, experienced, mysterious, looked up to; whatever a disciplined karate teacher should be. With some friends, I'm stoic and listen passively rather than talk, and with some I'm the center of attention, cracking jokes and laughing constantly.

All of those traits are me, I'm never being fake or pretending. Different people just bring out different personality traits in me. But it makes me wonder, since I am so comfortable with who I am, why can't I always be all of those things? Why can't one person see every side of me? Why do I sometimes hide my nerdiness in a fruitless attempt to fit in, and other times I am outrageously flamboyant? Why are our true selves only known by ourselves?

Books Read: 27

Grenade

I hold a grenade.

A grenade of truths.

Full of secrets, of love, lies, and laziness.

Held by anyone else,

This would be a time-bomb;

A weapon to be used against those who made it.

But in my hand, it nestles,

Its pin securely in.

I know what's inside it,

Foresee the destruction it would cause

If ignited.

I must maintain the balance.

Is there not enough chaos already?

I padlock the pin, put the bomb in a safe.

Six feet under, it rests in an unmarked tomb.

Giving new meaning to

"I'll take it to the grave".

Your secrets are safe with me.

Books Read: 26

Summer of '11

Tomorrow, I shall return to the horrors of four classes a day, thirty minutes for lunch on a hard plastic stool, and the agonizing glares from the students who believe themselves to be better than me. I will march proudly into the place where my every outfit is criticized, my behavior is analyzed, and every word that passes my lips is twisted by gossiping numbskulls into things I never intended. I will dive headfirst into the sea of peer pressure, but I will swim against the current. Who says I have to follow them in their stupidity, and make the same mistakes as they do? I have my own tide to flow by.

Before I am totally occupied with quizzes, tests, and homework, I just wanted to take a minute to reflect on this summer.

This is the summer that I spent making bracelets, not only for myself, but for my friends and a wonderful group of people that I had the fortune to meet. This is the summer during which we used a sock-covered chimes mallet to play a bass drum during graduation, and afterward wore party hats. This was the first summer I've been on Twitter, and the first time I've shared my experiences via Blogger. This is the summer I wore a bathing suit in public, on more than one occasion. This is the summer I tried fried tomatoes, put hot sauce on spaghetti, and devoured more popcorn than should be legal.

This is the summer of dozens of sleepovers, with grandparents, cousins, and friends. This is the summer of the last Harry Potter movie, when the tears didn't stop until I heard about Pottermore, and realized that this is not the end. This is the summer of movies, and this is the summer I spent a huge part of without electricity, running water, and air conditioning (all at the same time!).

This is the summer I spent at the river, because my dad was finally off from work for the whole entire summer. This is the summer I learned how to wakeboard, from a science-loving sculpture professor who looks sortof like Johnny Depp. This is the summer of bike-riding, fist-pumping, fish-catching, car-driving, pier-jumping, earth-quaking, hurricaning, twig-raking, kitten-saving, nerdfighting AWESOMENESS.

This is, byfar, the best summer I have ever had. Maybe someday, another summer will bypass this one, and I will get to say that again. But I really don't see how it can get any better than this.

So I'm leaving you now, my friends, to pack up my backpack and prepare myself for the unknown craziness to come. Tears are literally pouring down my face as I type this, because I already miss doing all of these things that I love. Thank you for being here with me and reading about my insanity, and best wishes to any of you who must also return to school tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have some interesting occurrences to tell you all about in the near future. In the meantime, DFTBA!

Books Read: 25

I Hate Public Pools

Hello Blog Buddies!

I have finally returned after surviving a whole week without electricity due to Hurricane Irene. I hope you enjoyed my last BACTIA posts (thank goodness for Blogger's scheduled posting...), and I'd like to apologize for the fact that, because my power was out and I couldn't update it, my Book Counter has been inaccurate for the last 9 days. Anyway, here is a poem I wrote after I was forced to spend the day at the pool while we waited for our electricity to be restored...

Arriving, toting toys, towels, and coolers.

Seven dollars to bring a friend, what?!

People gaze up from a heat-induced stupor,

Watching us as we search for a seat.

Obnoxious kids splash at our ankles.

Why can't they just leave us alone?

Aromas sting our senses as we spread our towels

On cheap rubber lounge chairs sticky with sweat.

Smells of chlorine

And sunscreen

And crappy snackbar food.

The smells of vanity and overindulgence.

Constant discomfort as we try to tan,

The air is too hot, too humid.

The water is too cold, too crowded.

The feeling that everyone's watching you,

Even if they aren't.

Noticing your every self-conscious flaw.

"When can we leave?"

But we want to be tan.

We've joined in the fad of destroying skin cells.

So we lay there and sweat all our happiness out,

Wasting our freedom, our summer,

And the time we could be spending having fun.

Books Read: 24

I Am a Hopeless Fangirl

Ever since I officially joined Nerdfighteria last summer, I have wanted to go to a Nerdfighter gathering and meet John and Hank Green and see how nerdy they actually are off of the internet. Ever since I started watching Mythbusters back in middle school, I have wanted to watch Adam, Jamie, Kari, Grant, and Tory blow something up in person. Ever since I plunged into the young adult section of my local library and discovered Maureen Johnson, Scott Westerfeld, and David Levithan, I have wanted to tell them in real life how brilliant I think their books are.

Whenever I imaging these real-life scenarios, I imagine myself as being calm, cool, and collected, saying something witty and intelligent, impressing those incredible people and actually having them remember me, instead of just belonging to their endless seas of fans. I don't picture myself being clumsy, blushing, squealing, nearly crying, grinning for like three hours straight, and in general just plain embarrassing myself.

However, all of those embarrassing things happened anyway, simply as a result of these:

So I'm prettymuch doomed to embarrassment if I ever do get the chance to meet them. :D

Books Read: 19

I am a Hypocritical Blogger

First of all, I'd like to apologize for the incredible amount of poetry this past month. I had some of the poems sitting around from when I wrote them for Sophomore English Class, and others were just for fun. Either way, I decided to immortalize them here on my famously popular blog XD. I always said that I would never force my readers to read poetry, but then I found my own hypocritical little loophole: Just because the poems are on the blog, that doesn't mean people have to read them. So I posted them anyway.

Secondly, I'm very sorry for my occasional inability to maintain this blog. I used to look at other bloggers who said they'd post soon, and them wait three months, and I'd shake my head in disappointment. I told myself I'd come up with interesting and well-written blog posts all the time, and I'd have some sort of organized schedule by which to post them. Obviously, this has not happened. I also said that I would participate in BEDA, which quickly became BALA, which steadily declined to BACTIA level. Meanwhile, I previously sneered at the people who were '"too lazy to participate", which was extremely hypocritical of me, for which I apologize.

Finally, I fear that once school starts (JUNIORS, YEAH!!!!) I may fall ever farther behind in my blogging, due to my crazy strenuous classes. I'd promise to maintain this blog, but honestly, school, band, and teaching karate are far more important to me, and they come first. I wouldn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep. So here's to erratic and occasional blogging! I hope you enjoyed BACTIA!

Book Counter: 19

I Will Appreciate All of the Things

During one of my lovely long excursions to the River this past month, we had a number of thunderstorms, one of which knocked the power out. At first, I was extremely excited, because I love storms and watching the lightning blaze patterns into the rural sky. However, I then discovered that without electricity, out water pump didn't work, and therefore I couldn't take a shower. This became quite an issue, because I had just learned how to wakeboard that day, and my hair was all knotty and saturated with river water. I also couldn't open the fridge to get something to drink after an exhausting day of near dehydration, because we had no idea when the power would be back on, and we didn't want to let all of the cold air out. Finally, Bubbles the Nerdfighting (almost) iPod (aka my crappy Sansa mp3 player) was dead, and I couldn't waste my flashlight batteries to read and distract myself from my grimy thirstiness and sore muscles. Honestly, the electricity could not have picked a worse time to stop working.

Oh, and did I mention, it was SUPER HOT that day, which quickly became awful without air conditioning?

As I was laying on my floor, pretending I was cool, clean, and hydrated, it struck me how ridiculous my situation was. People survived for hundreds of years before me without electricity, and they were able to make do! The Amish voluntarily go without it, even today, and they are totally fine! And yet, I was struggling to make it through one measly night.

I also realized that having our modern world rely on something so easily damaged or lost is a rather stupid idea. Why are we so reliant on electricity, and so helpless when it is taken away? Why don't we have some form of back-up, besides environment-harming generators that run on gasoline? Wind-energy? Hydro-electric power? Anything?

Once the power flickered back to life around the middle of the next day, I was quite frazzled and running out of coping ideas. I immediately took a shower, turned on my fan, laid under the air-vent, turned on my light, and read a book. I definitely appreciated electricity more after having to survive without it for 15 hours. 

The same thing happened after our water pump burst in the garage. There were several times I tried to turn on the sink out of habit, and nothing came out of the faucet, which was both depressing and irritating. I never really realized how many times a day I used running water until I had to try and cope without it. And once again, I appreciated it more once it came back on.

I feel like the same thing will happen to all of us once summer jerks to a halt and we are all thrown back into the harsh school schedule. We may feel bored now, and we may miss our friends, but we have a certain blissful freedom now that you just don't have during the school year. And we don't take advantage of it after about the first week of summer, because we forget to appreciate not being stuck in a bland cinderblock room all the time. All of these occurrences make me wonder, why don't we appreciate things all the time, instead of only after we've lost them? This is my new goal. Don't take things for granted, and take advantage of the time and opportunities I have.

Books Read: 19

Who I Am

I am still crisp autumn leaves,

I’m sketchpads, novels, and Youtube.

I am still the sand on the riverside,

Mixed tan and gray,

Perfect for tanning and reading with Britt.

Now I am driving the boat

With my whole entire family

Watching a unique sunset every evening.

I am Lean Pockets and spaghetti,

Ghost Adventures and Mythbusters.

My room is my own small safe haven,

And Grace’s is a regular hangout.

We chill out whenever we can.

I am nerdfighting and wheat, ham, and swiss,

Trying to sing with my friends is a blast.

I am an artist with gels pens and pencils.

I like to read books that are fiction,

Things from other times and ways of life.

Bella and Edward’s forbidden romance,

Harry Potter’s Firebolt and his fight

With Lord Voldemort.

John Green’s Alaska makes friends with a dork,

And Katniss Everdeen survived the Hunger Games.

She made me want to save the world.

I am chemistry, karate, and band class,

Driver’s Ed, though I’m scared to drive.

I go to the mall with my friend after school,

Shopping for clothes and music

And wandering in circles.

I like to play fetch with my cat, her name’s Leia.

She sits on my lap and purrs like crazy.

I love her like she is my very own sister.

The most important thing in my life

Is my friends and family, and

Of course my schoolwork and band.

Stress levels are high, but life is still good,

I love being the person I am.

But I’m still growing up,

I’m still making memories.

Where I’m from is who I am.

Books Read: 19

Where I Come From

I am from crisp autumn leaves,          

From stuffed animals, hopscotch, and Waldo.

I am from the sand on the riverside,              

Mixed tan and gray,               

Perfect for sand-cakes and pies.        

I am from riding the golf-cart            

With my cousins, toting our buckets              

And shovels to the beach every summer.       

 I am from goldfish and pizza crust,

From Blue’s Clues and Winnie the Pooh.

The basement was always my playhouse,

And Meredith’s house was a second home.

We played together every day.

I am from dress-up and PB&J,

Hide-and-go-Seek and tag were my favorites.

I was an artist with sidewalk chalk.

I used to read books to my Build-a-Bears,

I wanted to be a librarian later in life.

Junie B. Jones and her zany adventures,

The Bauldelaire Orphans and their flight

from Count Olaf.

Eric Carle’s Brown Bear made friends with a Red Bird

And the Boxcar Children survived in the wild.

They made me want to go camping.

I am from recess and music and art,

From chorus, though I couldn’t sing.

I played PS1 with my friend after school,

Flaming Riptocs and Gnorcs with

A purple dragon named Spyro.

I used to play Neopets on my computer,

I bought them all toys and fed them each day.

I loved them as if they were really my pets.

The most important thing in my life

Was my friends, and whether we could

Go outside for recess and play.

Nothing was stressful or boring or sad

And school was just another fun thing.

But now I am grown up,

All those memories are past.

My life is different now.

Books Read: 19

I Don't Understand

I don't understand

why being weird is seen as a bad thing.

why opportunities are given, and people pass them up.

why we are expected to outgrow the things we once loved.

But most of all

why people fail to appreciate the beauty in life.

why people are afraid to express who they are.
why promises are made, but then always broken.

What I do understand is

why people wish to know the unknown.

why friends gather to celebrate their individuality.

why those who are less fortunate appreciate what they have.

Books Read: 19

Ode To Drum Closet

Oh, quadrilateral room of percussion glory,

Your mysteries are so cleverly concealed.

I have yet to find the source

Of the stench of 1,000 percussionists past.

Your water-stained ceiling tiles hold secrets

Of mischievous excursions and adventures in the night.

Your drawers are constantly cluttered, and your

Shelves are a shave too short to support

The drums which have resided there

Since our band came to be.

Random rubbish crowds your smelly corners,

And rotten food lurks beneath squeaky shelves.

Your atmosphere is unappealing,

Your missing door stops none from stealing.

Books Read: 19

I Am an Utter Failure.

So I announced earlier this month that I was trying to do BALA (Blog A Lotta August). Originally, I planned on trying BEDA (Blog Every Day in August), but then I was out of town for the first week of August, learning how to wakeboard and having fun instead. 

But now it is August 25th, (the day after John Green's birthday, woo!) and I have failed. I've only blogged five times this month. And 5 out of 25, that's quite a bit less than 'A Lotta August'. It's only 1/5 of the whole darned month! The last month of my summer, which is slowly creeping away and is about to be devoured by the monstrous Hurricane Irene. So I'm calling what I've done this summer BACTIA. Blog A Couple-a Times In August. I feel that is a more appropriate title.

Over the next few days, I am going to be hunkered down in my beanbag chair, reading the 15 books I just checked out from the library, finishing my summer Precalc packet, and coming up with more future blogs, all by flashlight (most likely). To tide you all over until I return to the internet, I have several blogs scheduled to post over the next few days. Best wishes to anyone else who has to endure Hurricane Irene, and DFTBA!

<3

P.S. I'd like to draw attention to my shiny new BOOK COUNTER WOOO. It shows how many books I have read since June of this year.

Books Read: 18

Another Poem (are you sick of them yet?)

Captured my heart when you asked me to dance,

Held me close when I felt so far away.

Remembered our anniversary each month

I felt so perfect when I was with you.

Separation threatened to

Tear us apart.

Oceans weren't too far for our love to span, you said.

Promises of yours turned out to be empty,

Hot tears soaked through my pillow that night.

Every ounce of my trust was betrayed, you

Ripped out my heart with every syllable.

Table For One

Anxiety gnaws at my fingernails,

Excitement ties knots in my stomach.

Staring into my closet,

Nothing looks good enough to wear for you.

Meanwhile my brain is nagging,

"Tame that wild hair, cover that tiny flaw.

You don't deserve a guy so perfect."

I believe what it says it true.

I wait in the parking lot,

Breathing out mist in the crisp autumn air.

Headlights flit past, none of them yours.

I glare at my phone and accuse it of lying.

You can't be five minutes late,

Or ten, fifteen, or twenty.

How did my favorite blouse get wet?

I realize that I am crying.

I huddle on the curb, heartbroken and freezing,

Too ashamed to go home so soon.

I shuffle inside. drying tears on my mittens,

And mumble, "Table for one."

The waiters glance over with eyes full of pity,

Bringing me water with not enough ice.

They offer me food, but I'm feeling queasy.

Everyone here has a date.

I call you, I text you, and then call your friend.

You're out with some girl, a cheerleading snob.

My face burning red, I crumple the check.

Tears spill down my face and onto my plate.

An Open Letter To Nicole

Dear Nicole (aka MegginLovett),

We met way back in elementary school, I remember you rode my bus. You still do, as a matter of fact. I used to see you at recess, brandishing twigs and muttering spells. You thought you were a witch, but I had yet to discover the world of Harry Potter, and I just left you to your antics. I didn't understand your obsession at the time, although I do now. Why try to curse people if nothing ever happens?

In middle school, in that awkward transition phase, we grew closer, and started to speak a bit more. I read about Hogwarts, and secretly I shared your dream. However, I considered myself too old to be waving a 'wand'. I supposed I'd missed out on my Hogwarts letter anyway. You introduced me to Chameleon Circuit on your iPod during one of those torturous bus rides, and although I wasn't yet a Whovian and I didn't understand some of the songs, I enjoyed their originality, and I admired your will to be different. I remember we both played Neopets, where we had fun *slapping each other with fish*. Our friendship was strengthened, and you opened my eyes to the wonders of RENT and Sweeney Todd. I'd never liked musicals, but you changed my mind.

You sometimes would talk about Alex Day and Charlie McDonnell, which I'd watched a few times under your recommendation. I knew who they were, but I still didn't understand. Why did you think they were so great? I preferred the song about Duct Tape.....

A few times, you asked me to proofread your writing. You wanted to be a novelist, you said. I read your stories, jotted in notebooks in pristine, unmistakable handwriting. I related to them and I wondered, did you know about my life? Where did you get those fictional ideas, so close to my reality? You also used to draw, clothing design if I remember correctly. I was jealous that your people were always so lovely.

One day, you showed me a poster promoting the Chartjackers. Charlie and Alex again, plus two more. I took interest in the project when you told me it was for charity, and that's when I joined Youtube, to witness this soon-to-be-miracle for myself. I started watching vlogs, by Charlie and Alex and many many others, and eventually, in August of 2010, I discovered the Vlogbrothers.

I took the time to watch every single video, spending hours in front of the computer. I was infatuated by Nerdfighteria, and soon learned that you were a Nerdfighter as well. We shared books and movies and talked about nerdtastic things, and my entire attitude about life changed. I picked myself up from my heartbreak and pain, and I joined the wonderful community I love, thanks to your subtle direction. 

Now I've joined Twitter, where we talk every day, and you (plus some others) inspired me to create this blog. You've exposed me to Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Maureen Johnson, and my personality is better than ever before. I thank you for opening my eyes to a world of culture, fashion, originality, and love, and you are truly the most unique and interesting person I know. I can count on you every day to remember to be awesome, and to appreciate life and to care about others. Thank you, Nicole, for making me who I am :)

First Date

The lights flicker out in the semi-crowded theatre,

The aroma of popcorn floats up to my face.

I sip on my ICEE to cool my hot nerves,

Between you and me, electrified space.

The title is floating up here through the darkness

As I settle down in the worn folding chair.

The warmth of your fingertips tickles my neck,

Twirling between them my sweet-smelling hair.

We gasp and we giggle, and you snort with laughter,

I think that this date's going just as I planned.

About halfway through, with our happiness brewing,

I sense you reaching and give you my hand.

Your thumb swirling gently, you trace a soft heart.

My face flushing pink, I'm thankful it's dark.

My mind wanders off to a calm, blissful dream,

I think this relationship's more than a spark.

The movie is over, the lights come back on,

We yawn and we stretch and we head for my car.

You're holding my hand as we shuffle along,

Trudging slowly because the walk's not very far.

When we get there, your arm encircling my waist,

You open my door and I sit down to drive.

You grin and say, "I had a fantastic time."

I admit that I've never felt quite so alive.

I fight back a sigh as we pull in your driveway.

You stroke my arm and stare into my eyes.

You give me a hug and whisper in my ear,

"Let's go on more dates and have sweeter goodbyes..."

What I've Learned from Nerd Music

As a devoted nerdfighter, my mp3 player is naturally packed with lots of Wrock, Trock, and other random music by various made-of-awesome people. Listening to these amazing songs the other day, I realized that I have learned alot of things from these songs, although some of them are completely useless things to know. I figured I'd post them here for your amusement...

Alex Day

• How NOT to play Mario Kart Wii
• Singing cliches is not an effective way to win someone's heart
• Eating candy floss at a funfair is incredibly romantic
• Skinny jeans from Camden and perfect glossy hair are beautiful
• Who needs simplicity in this candid game of Hearts?
• We don't want Georgia to leave
• When your strings are broken, your heart goes out of tune
• The pen is sharper than any sharpened sword

ALL CAPS

• Heartbreakers sign their emails with an x
• Don't let your robot boyfriend upgrade to version 2
• Everything is never as it seems with Hermione or Ron
• Who woulda thought that two nerds would get to have their day?
• You need 1667 words a day for NaNoWriMo
• World of Warcraft ruins lives

Charlie McDonnell

• You need to be able to love yourself (but not that way!)
• Snacks are more important than properly finishing an album
• Clearasil, Freederm, and Proactiv don't really work
• The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind
• An animal is a silly thing to be
• You must taste inspiration and stop chewing the bread of woe
• Dopamine and norepinephrine are love chemicals
• We should all watch Hayley G. Hoover's videos
• Santa Claus throws Jack-O-Lanterns at children on Halloween
• Rhymezone.com is quite amazing

Chartjackers

• Incredibly cheesy pop songs CAN make the British charts

Hank Green

• I have learned so incredibly much from Hanks music, I really don't feel like typing it all. So listen to it yourself, become edumacated.
• However, I think the central message here would be DON'T FORGET TO BE AWESOME!!!!

There are more wonderful artists, and lots of great songs, but at the moment my sore, blistered, wakeboarding hands are tired of typing. So here ya go! DFTBA, and I promise to post again soon. I'm sorta trying to do BALA (Blog A Lotta August), but due to the fact that I started 9 days late it's a bit of a challenge. Here Goes..... 

READ THIS. NOW.

http://megginreviews.blogspot.com/2011/07/meggin-watches-harry-potter-and-deathly.html

Just read it. It's a practical way to use 5 minutes of your life. Go. I'll know if you don't. *gives evil eye*

EDIT: Due to the fact that Blogger will not (for some reason) let me post my expertly written comment on Meggin's post, I'm just going to type is here and hope she see's it...

I just want to say, Meggin, that this review made me cry. It perfectly summed up almost everything that I thought and felt while watching the spectacular final installment of my favorite book/movie series. One thing I want to add would be a huge bucket of Kudos to the special effects programmers. They had to animate the giants, dragon (what an adorable dragon, I was heartbroken to see how it was mistreated), the spells, the house elves, the goblins, and Nagini. Those incredible people, they deserve an overflowing mug of Firewhiskey.

That is all.

The Fortune-Telling Porch Swing

So during my long stretch of time spent at the River, I spent a lot of time on our porch reading, as always. Okay, if you want to be specific, it's not really a porch. It used to be, with a screen and huge table and everything, it dominated two sides of the house. Now it's closed in and has these massive sliding windows, so we can close them when it rains and stuff to protect the wood floor, but still see outside all the time. BUT for the purposes of this discussion, we are going to call it a porch.

So as I was saying, I did a ton of reading on the porch, usually sitting on our porch swing. Although, I guess it's not really a swing, as it doesn't hang from the ceiling and it's not made of wood. We used to have one of those, but it dry-rotted. This thing has a metal frame and the rest is fabric...I suppose it's really a glider. BUT once again, for the purposes of this discussion we are going to refer to it as a porch swing.

So I was reading on the porch swing with a fan blowing the fresh air from outside in my face, but I was too preoccupied with my terribly chipped toenail polish to get very far in the novel. My hideous toenails reminded me of my torturous times in middle school, when I used to constantly paint my nails really flamboyant colors and patterns, which led me to remember the time when I bought my middle school boyfriend there with me, and we had sat on that very same swing. I remember the conversations we had perfectly, and what we were wearing, and how the weather was. It was like a movie in my brain or something.

I thought back a little further, and I remembered the time my Great-Uncle Richard had flown up from Florida to spend some time with all of us, along with his wife, who we all call Aunt Secret. He and I sat on that swing, talking about school, friends, life, water-skiing....and a year later, he had died.

I remembered a mere summer ago, when I bought my friend and musical mentor Matt down to go fishing and hang out for the day. He convinced me to audition for All-Districts on that swing/glider, and gave me advise on how to handle the stress of Wind Ensemble now that he and the other experienced seniors had graduated.

After remembering all these people and conversations and jokes and overall just special moments, I started wondering about the future. Someday, when I'm older and wiser and hopefully successful, I might be engaged, or married, or have children of my own (although I dearly hope not). And I wondered, 20 or 40 or 60 years from now, who will be sitting on that swing with me? What will I have done with my life? What college will I have gone to? Will my best friend and I still be best friends? Will I still eat tomato sandwiches and watermelon there with my mother? Will my cousins and I still hang out, and sit on the beach together? What will have happened to the golfcart we have ridden all our lives?

Will the people across the street still seem as immature to me as they do now? Will I have the same boat as now, or a newer, faster one? Will I have a jetski? What color will it be? What car will I drive? Will it still run on gasoline? Will someone build a house on the empty lot across the street? That would be annoying, it would block our view of the water. What books will I read, sitting on that familiar seat? Will I still text my friends, or will we have holographs? 

How will my world change while this swing stays the same?

An Abundance of Ambers

Hello there, my lovely blog-reader(s)! Sorry I've neglected/procrastinated you. I plan to write several posts today and have them post on random days/times, due to the fact that I am probably leaving again. Anyways.....

For those of you who are made of AWESOME, the title of this post is indeed a play on John Green's wonderful book, An Abundance of Katherines. Amazingly, I have drawn a comparison between this post and John's book; they are both about being an individual, and standing out in a world of monotony. My friend Nicole (@MegginLovett) and I were talking last night, and she said 

" :D There should be more people like you in this cosmos."

To which I replied something along the lines of, "The world would be a much more quiet, nerdy, grammatical, appreciative place if everyone was like me." But then I really started thinking about what it would be like to have a world where everyone was like me, and I was like, "Holy crap, thank goodness that's not the case!"

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are afraid to be individuals, and they just go with the tides of others in order to fit in. I'm not the type of person to shop at Aeropostale or American Eagle just because everyone else is (unless I'm shopping for jeans. Their jeans are really nice). Not that there's anything wrong with those stores, I just don't need to be a walking billboard for them, with the store name across my chest. I wear what I want, in styles that I'm comfortable with. The majority of my wardrobe is from Kohls, because they are awesome, affordable, comfortable, and not just the same old skin-tight t-shirt with words all the time. If the world was just an Abundance of Ambers, Kohls would certainly do great business, but none of the other stores would. To make matters worse, we would all be dressed the same, therefore eliminating the individuality of that personal aspect.

Also, I am quite a shy person. Like, painfully, excruciatingly shy. I went to a Leadership Conference yesterday and the day before, and the teachers there literally shuttled me over to a table with students and made me talk because they were concerned. It's quite a miracle that I am able to convince myself to be so open with everyone here on this blog and on Twitter. If the whole world was full of painfully shy and awkward people, there would be few relationships, little communication, business meetings would be utter failures, and nothing would get done. The only good thing is, there would be no cliques. I hate cliques. They isolate people and create meaningless and inaccurate stereotypes, which I find detrimental and just plain irritating.

Finally, I love a mostly-empty, well stocked, comfortable library. I go at least once a week during the school year, and more so during the summer. However, if everyone loved libraries like I do, then there would be no books left on the shelves, the chairs would be worn and saggy, and whispered conversations and the buzzing of phones from Twitter notifications would dominate the atmosphere. The books would all be well treated and cared for, but it wouldn't really matter, because the waiting list for them would be ages long.

There are about a hundred reasons why a world of Amber-like personalities would be a bad thing, including a ton of skittish, sucky drivers; but my main point here is that the things that I love would be extremely overused, obsessed over, and worn out, and the things that I don't love would fall by the wayside. A balance of different varieties of people and personalities is important in a successful society, despite how nice it would be to completely understand one another. If we are all individuals in the same way, we aren't really individuals at all. We are just An Abundance of Boring.

Friendship

I am sorry to announce that I am still here, due to the fact that I have a haircut tomorrow and therefore cannot return to my beloved river. In the meantime today I went to the pool with my friend, and we were discussing her boyfriend. 

During the conversation, I was unsure whether or not to refer to him as my friend. I mean, they've been dating for like a year, and I've hung out with them lots of times, including going to the pool, a haunted house on Halloween, and having several bonfires and playing Truth Or Dare. 

But at the same time, I only see him around her. I don't text him, I don't talk to him on Facebook (due to the fact that I don't have one), and I had never met him before their relationship started.

So I'm not sure. After you meet someone, when do you start calling them your 'friend', as opposed to just 'oh I know that person'? Where is the friendship line drawn? It's endlessly interesting to me.